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Our Sebastian goodbye my baby

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I want you to know. I had to use your money. It broke my heart, I had no choice. I am bipolar, I have been on a roller coaster. This roller coaster has included; hospitalization, over-medication, anxiety for me and Rowdy, Trey and Sebastian. Our cat Fred just disappears when the going gets rough. My job because of policy had to stop giving me a check for about a month. Because of this I have used Rowdy’s money to purchase medication for him and the other animals. Two days ago we decided to put Sebastian down. He was a beautiful bi colored eyed Siberian husky and Malamute mix. We had no choice. I could not pick him up and hold him up to poop any more and he cried incessantly. I feel horrible that we took so long to do this. With our drama we could not imagine losing him as well. This was an injustice to an animal that gave us his all on a daily basis. Our vet is incredible, she allowed us to keep him in the back of the car with two of the kids my brother and Joe and I holding him as he entered his next existence. It was as hard and as beautiful as you could imagine.

Since this has always been Rowdy’s blog. I would like to share his experience as witnessed by me. Rowdy has been over anxious for months, he is my familiar. Not just my pet. He sleeps in my bed and has to touch me at least two to three times a day to calm himself. I am the same. One of the things that the hospital denied me was my puppy, it was incredibly hard. Rowdy did not go outside all day once Sebastian started the crying. We have a puppy that belongs to the neighbor and we did not want the dogs to see us bury Sebastian. He was their daddy. As much as it hurt us I knew it would throw them into a mourning we could not fix. I decided to bring in the neighbors puppy that always roams our property because this would bring Trey peace. He plays with this puppy every day. When the puppy came in Rowdy attacked him. I put Rowdy in the bedroom to keep him away from the puppy. The psychology worked on Trey it kept him busy until he calmed down and stopped trying to break through the window to see what was going on. When I put the puppy outside Rowdy was angry. Very angry he ran to his babies and started chewing and huffing. I decided to pick him up to calm him. It had the opposite effect he fought me and would not stay in my lap. He is very smart. He is from the streets. I brought in a new puppy and his daddy was gone. I get it. So instead of trying to hold him. I put my body over his in a crouch. He pulled away and ran from me. A few minutes later I did the same thing again. This went on for about 30 minutes until he allowed me to be his alpha. About an hour later he allowed me to pick him up. Yesterday he was sad and stayed in mine or my brothers lap all day. Today is better. Tomorrow will be better still.

Losing Sebastian during our crisis has been hard on us. We just have to remember, even though animals may not communicate like we do that does not mean they do not hurt. We will be ok. It will take time and patience. Our next dog will be another rescue. Something big and furry, because those are the ones that people get and don’t bother to realize they live in town and dogs over 100 pounds do not do well in the city. I do not know when this will happen. Someday when my animals let me know they have mourned and are ready I will start the hunt for our new family member.

Until then you have about 300 left from the 900 we originally put in safe keeping. We still need to fix Rowdy. The link still works, if you want a reimbursement I will be happy to send it to you. This is not what you signed up for. This is not what I signed up for either, just what my life has given me. If you want to send me some money to help on this ridiculous journey the link on the other page still works. I just ask you to love your animals, they do not live as long as us.

sorry for randomness I am having trouble sleeping

Sleep alludes me…I am starting to think the spasms are generated from my brain….wish I could shut it off. Dog lovers please understand I have a blog that is supposed to be for random thoughts but I do not have the energy to put things in their proper place.
See when you do not sleep…you stay asleep. So most days I fog through and pick up what signals are the loudest. I have on more than one occasion asked folks to unfollow….unfriend…or just speak softer these days. Your loyality is amazing…thank you. Journeys are always easier with friends. But you should comment occasionally…my electronic universe seems a little pissed with me. Like high school when my petition for birth control got into the news paper…..see 16 year olds are not supposed to notice pregnancy rates or evil wrapped in administration. My poor mom the family joke is she had the district superintendence on speed dial…before the option existed. Some things never change….funny I though I would ……