For the beautiful people who read my trite sometimes powerful or touching writing. I need to share something. I am on a personal journey. If you have seen the Robin Williams/De Niro film:
And occasionally a little Jack Nickelson …..not as much as I have seen but admittedly there have been days…
So the occasional cry for attention can be forgiven. I have two little mantras I use these days first is “Steal my show” if anything you see inspires you please use some or all. I would like a credit because I am human, but I completely understand if you need the credit today. Friends have no worries I am being watched by smart, funny people so this journey will be a paradigm shift. I will make no life decisions until my math and spelling skills return.
I want you to know this because this is a personal/public blog. I am using it as a sort of filing system for ideas I want to explore later, when my headache leaves. I am unsure what we will know at the end of the road. I do know I feel free for the first time in my life and it is fantastic. Free of will and mind. Without the urge to break anyone else. I think that is called maturity. Once I thought I was free but if you punish yourself by hurting others you are not free.
I am sharing this because sometimes it gets lonely in here. I cried out a while back and got this answer, paraphrased because it came in different formats:
This is not a good format to use, it is hard to comment, you are loved.
For today this is enough. I believe in God-not dogma. So anyone who finds this is here for a reason. So I say to you “you are loved” and for today that is enough.
I have had a lot of overlap here. Which judging from the comments is ok. Lots of you have asked for all the information to be in one place. I will do this with by blue hair daughter who is smart and funny and better on the computer. For this moment we will be patient.
Rowdy feels me and is incredibly smart. He has my anxiety. It is beautiful and sad. Similar to the option to mark my post as “awesome”. If I do mark it am I being pretentious or confident….that is for another day.
Here is a link that has more information on what I am writing today:
I said to my blue hair warrior yesterday being smart is hard. I think that goes for all species. As I slipped into the darker recesses of my mind he became more and more agitated. He started by taking out all his toys. Rowdy then moved to becoming very selfish. I thought at the time it was funny, but he was so serious I have to examine it a little. He was losing me so the clinging to those toys makes sense. Children in foster care often become manic over the loss of a beloved toy. It is the perception of losing everything else so the only power they have is the toy. He then moved to chewing on himself. The vet could find no reason for this action. I find similarity in teens who cut or refuse to eat. My feeling in this moment is he was losing me/control over his world. Chewing reminded him life was ok, he was alive and could feel. I think the act of chewing allowed him to slowly let me go. In his little brain he made connections we big people have done for centuries.
Since I have returned home from the place where sharp objects are not allowed. The place I put myself when the darkness was too much to bear and people who love me heard my cry. I have seen a change. He was so excited when I first got home he almost peed himself. I had to just sit in the kitchen floor and hold him for several minutes for him to calm down. He insist on lying in the bed or couch when my brain lets me rest. He is finally ok with me leaving the house and the babys as well as his belly have gotten a reprieve.
Being smart is hard, being dumb is harder. I will take this journey with my broken dog because the horizon looks amazing and we both need a peaceful, happy home filled with trust.
On January 11, 1944, President Franklin D. Roosevelt gave his annual State of the Union Message to Congress. In the midst of World War II, he set forth plans for the coming year and preparations for life in the US following the war. He included both concrete proposals for immediate legislation and other more long-term changes to help the nation progress socially and economically in the future. Part of this speech reads as follows:
This Republic had its beginning, and grew to its present strength, under the protection of certain inalienable political rights—among them the right of free speech, free press, free worship, trial by jury, freedom from unreasonable searches and seizures. They were our rights to life and liberty.
As our Nation has grown in size and stature, however—as our industrial economy expanded—these political rights proved inadequate to assure us equality in the pursuit of happiness.
We have come…
View original post 970 more words
Life is hard here is an example from my favorite musical:
It is important for us to remember life like problems are temporary. It is better to breathe and have another opportunity. Not for ourselves honestly there are days I total understand people giving up. If i were riddled with pain with no way to communicate I would choose to meet my maker.
I happen to know he is beyond reason. I learned many lessons flat of my back. Enough that I do not regret the 50 years of lefts that have led me here.
It is very empowering…
Instead of asking what makes us happy maybe what we need to ask is how can we be happy….I have trouble sleeping at night when I think of children and men and women and animals hurting…
This will help with that sleep thing:
See we have too much in common to lie in bed at night wondering our place in the world. Just look up puppets…if you ask he will answer.
Paradigm shifts are hard. Benevolence is hard. I serve a God that is aware of both of these.
I beg you tolerance for a moment…who here did not love MLK, Gandi, Mother Theresa, Lennon…the list goes on and on….
problem is most folks do not see the difference between altruism and benevolence….I am learning
Flat of my back drinking broth I am starting to see the difference here is what I have so far Ready….
Capitalism = for the good of me
Altruism = for the good of you
Benevolence = all should be ok including me
So I will leave you with this Ready…breathe it is ok.
Capitalism = benevolence-altruistic guilt= survival for the planet……………..science is right it is all simple equations when you really stop to think.
Also I have learned islands are lonely and i need to ask for help so here i go:
You are loved beyond reason and powerful beyond comprehension. I challenge you to go save the world……………go on you can do it.